What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
