You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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