Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
