i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
