THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
