Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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