If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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