I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
