The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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