I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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