dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i think i just lost a toe
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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