she looked like the bat from fern gully.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
