i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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