your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
