My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
