This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
