Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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