The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
