she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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