We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We named our party play list daddy issues
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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