I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
