how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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