it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
