I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
