i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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