God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
