You kept calling me your small dog last night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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