omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
