if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize