Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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