How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
