Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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