she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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