maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
