I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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