I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
