what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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