Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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