I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
