I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
