Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
