Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
