I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
