So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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