There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
