god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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