We're facebook friends in real life
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
