Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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