watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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