Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize