We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize