Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
