You work out of a Hotel?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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