Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize