you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
