i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
