everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
