3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
