My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
