Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I want to be your penis for a week.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
