i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
