As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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