Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
