Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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