at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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