I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
