Three words: puerto rican gang bang
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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