Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
