I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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