listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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