Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
