I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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