see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
