He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
