The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize