ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
