i will never coherently bang her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
