i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
