I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
