i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
