Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
