Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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