Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
