I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
