I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
