but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
