Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
