i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
