Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
