i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
only if we run a train.
done.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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