My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
