grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
