So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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