you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
