no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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