so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize