enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
