I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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