it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my liver is dry heaving
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
