yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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