There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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