some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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