If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
