I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
