Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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