oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize