Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize