I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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