Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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