ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
